How Writing by Hand Can Calm Your Mind and Help Your Body Heal

Writing and Journaling

October 2026 – Farshad Farahnak. All rights reserved.

Most of us think of journaling as a way to clear our heads or track our days. What if the simple act of putting pen to paper could also speed up physical healing, ease chronic conditions, and rewire how your brain handles stress?

A growing body of research suggests exactly that. And the method matters: writing by hand about meaningful experiences appears to produce effects that typing or neutral note-taking often do not.

The Study That Sounds Almost Impossible

In one striking experiment, researchers in New Zealand asked 49 older adults to write for just three days. One group wrote about the most upsetting events of their lives. The other wrote about everyday activities. Two weeks later, doctors created a small, controlled wound on each person’s arm using a biopsy punch. For the next three weeks, they tracked how quickly the skin closed.

By day 11, the group that had written about difficult experiences had healed up to 76%. The daily-activities group lagged behind at 42%. Diet, medication, and sleep were carefully controlled. The main difference was the writing exercise performed weeks earlier.

Similar patterns show up elsewhere. In a study of more than 100 patients with asthma or rheumatoid arthritis, those who spent 20 minutes a day for three days writing about stressful events showed greater clinical improvement over the following four months than those who wrote about neutral topics. The gains went beyond standard medical care.

Scientists still cannot fully explain the pathway from page to body. Measures of stress hormones, inflammation markers, and self-reported stress sometimes show no clear difference. Yet the clinical outcomes keep appearing. Something about the process works.

Why Putting Feelings Into Words Changes the Brain

Deep in the brain sits the amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure that acts like an alarm. When it fires, heart rate rises, blood pressure climbs, and the body prepares for threat.

Brain-imaging studies reveal a simple intervention that quiets this alarm: labelling the emotion. When people look at upsetting images and name the feeling (“afraid,” “angry”), activity in the amygdala drops. At the same time, a region in the prefrontal cortex involved in regulation lights up. The emotion does not disappear, but its grip loosens.

Journaling takes this further. Instead of a single word, you form full sentences. You stay with the feeling long enough to shape it into language. That process itself appears to shift control from the reactive alarm system toward more deliberate, conscious regulation.

Handwriting Forces the Brain to Slow Down

Most of the studies that produce strong results instruct participants to write by hand. Typing does not reliably produce the same effects.

One reason is speed. Most people write by hand at roughly 20 words per minute while thinking much faster. The mismatch forces selection: only some thoughts make it onto the page. That selection process deepens engagement and emotional processing.

EEG research from Norway shows that handwriting (even with a digital pen) creates widespread connectivity in brain-wave frequencies linked to learning and memory. Typing with a finger does not. Handwriting also tends to produce greater emotional disclosure and stronger negative feelings in the moment—exactly the kind of engagement that later predicts better outcomes.

Paper still holds a slight edge over tablets for memory and planning tasks in some studies, but forming letters by hand appears to be the critical ingredient.

Two Effective Paths: Facing Pain or Cultivating Gratitude

Expressive writing about difficult experiences has a long track record, including benefits for people with PTSD. Yet it can feel worse before it feels better. Blood pressure often rises and mood dips during the writing sessions themselves. Many people quit after one uncomfortable try.

A gentler alternative also works well. In a 2018 study, adults who wrote gratitude letters reported better mental health at both four and twelve weeks than those who wrote about upsetting events or received psychotherapy without writing. Gratitude writing reduced toxic emotions such as resentment and envy. Text analysis showed more “we” language and positive emotion words. Other research suggests it can even prime the brain for greater generosity later.

You do not have to choose only one approach. Writing about what hurt you and writing about what you are grateful for both appear capable of leaving the mind and body healthier.

Practical Answers to Common Questions

Does a tablet count?
Mostly yes. Forming the letters by hand matters more than the surface. Paper still wins some memory and planning comparisons, but a digital pen on a screen produces the key brain connectivity.

Cursive or print?
Either works. Cursive is slower, which can be an advantage. Choose the style you prefer.

What if my handwriting is messy?
It still counts. The benefit lives in the motor act of writing and the mental work of choosing words, not in producing a beautiful page.

Does dyslexia change the picture?
Handwriting may matter even more. Studies with young children show that producing letter shapes by hand activates reading circuits in ways that typing or tracing does not.

Fountain pen, ballpoint, or pencil?
No evidence favors one instrument. Pick whatever makes you want to sit down and write.

How to Start

The research protocols are simple and short:

  • 15–20 minutes
  • 3 or 4 days in a row
  • Write about stressful or meaningful experiences, or write a gratitude letter

You may feel worse during the first sessions. That is common and usually temporary. A notebook is not a substitute for professional care. If the material feels overwhelming, seek support.

Tonight you could try one of two things: write about whatever is stressing you, or write the thank-you you never said. Either way, put pen to paper. The evidence suggests it is worth the time.

Is the world a simulation?

Life is a simulation

September 2026 – Farshad Farahnak. All rights reserved.

What If Life Is a Game?

Sometimes I wonder whether life is less like a straight road and more like an enormous, intricate simulation — a game so convincing that, once we enter it, we forget that we are playing. Not necessarily a computer simulation in the literal sense, but as a way of looking at existence. This idea has grown through years of reading, reflection, experience, and thinking about life, suffering, choice, consciousness, and what might exist beyond what we can see. I do not claim that it is proven fact. It is simply a way of understanding life — and the more I look at it, the more pieces seem to fit.

Imagine that you are controlling a character in a vast game. You control many of the character’s choices. You decide whether to speak or remain silent, whether to walk away or stay, whether to help someone or hurt them, whether to act with courage or fear, whether to learn from a mistake or repeat it. But you do not control the whole stage. You cannot decide what every other player will do. You cannot command illness, ageing, accidents, loss, the economy, or the timing of every event. You can influence your path, but you cannot write the entire script. Some things belong to the player; others belong to the game. Much of our suffering may begin when we confuse the two. We exhaust ourselves trying to control the stage while neglecting the one thing we still have influence over: the character we are playing.

Our choices still matter. Change how you behave, and you change what becomes possible. Develop courage, and you may make the decision you once avoided. Recognise a pattern, and you may stop repeating it. Learn to set boundaries and your relationships begin to change. Take responsibility for your actions and the direction of your life can change with them. The game responds to the way we play, but responding is not the same as obeying. You can make good decisions and still experience loss. You can work hard and still fail. You can love someone and still lose them. You can live wisely and still become ill. The player has influence, but not complete control. That is part of the game.

Now take the idea further. What if, before entering this life, we chose the game? What if we selected certain conditions, challenges, relationships, or levels of difficulty because there was something we wanted to experience, understand, or develop? It would offer one possible way of looking at one of the oldest questions in human life: why are our experiences so unequal? One person is born into wealth and security while another begins in poverty. One receives opportunities almost automatically while another struggles for every step forward. Some people encounter relatively little disruption; others seem to move from one difficult chapter to another. Some live for ninety years. Others barely begin. If life is a game, then not every player enters with the same settings. But difficulty does not necessarily mean punishment, and comfort does not necessarily mean success. We may simply have misunderstood the scoreboard.

We usually measure life from inside the game: money, status, possessions, recognition, comfort, success, longevity. But those may not be the real score at all. A person can accumulate enormous wealth and learn very little about courage, compassion, integrity, or themselves. Another can experience extraordinary difficulty and develop wisdom that cannot be bought. This does not mean suffering is automatically good. Pain can damage people and hardship can leave deep scars. What matters is what we do with the experience we receive. Difficulty does not automatically create strength, but what we learn through confronting difficulty can change who we become. Maybe the important question is not “How comfortable was my life?” but “Who did I become while living it?”

Some players begin with more resources than others. Wealth, education, security, health, intelligence, family support, or opportunity give a person more tools and more choices, but they do not remove difficulty from the game. They change its form. A wealthy person may never experience the same financial fear as someone living in poverty, but can still face loneliness, betrayal, addiction, family conflict, illness, loss, responsibility, fear, or an absence of meaning. No player is completely free from pain. The circumstances differ, and so do the challenges. More resources can make some moves easier, but they do not remove the game.

And as we move forward, the score itself may serve a purpose. In a game, progress unlocks new abilities, knowledge, equipment, access, and opportunities. Life can work in much the same way. Every lesson understood, every pattern recognised, and every difficult experience consciously worked through can leave us with something we did not have before — judgement, resilience, patience, confidence, discernment, compassion, stronger boundaries, greater awareness, or the ability to recognise danger earlier. These become part of our equipment. The next challenge may still be difficult, but we do not enter it as the same player. We have more tools in our inventory.

A lifetime can then be seen as one level of a much larger game. We enter a level through birth, play it for however long it lasts, and leave through death. Then another level may begin: a different character, different circumstances, different relationships, different opportunities, and different challenges. The scenery changes, but the player continues. We may not consciously remember the previous level because carrying every memory into the next could interfere with the experience itself. Yet some of what was gained may remain — an instinct, a particular strength, an unexplained fear, a sense of familiarity, an unusual ability, or something that seems to come naturally without knowing why. In that sense, we may not begin every life completely empty-handed.

Progress can accumulate across levels. One life may teach courage. Another may teach humility. Another may teach boundaries, responsibility, compassion, independence, forgiveness, or self-respect. A lesson that takes one person decades may come naturally to another because that player has already worked through something similar before. Just as a player enters a later level carrying abilities earned earlier, what continues may not be the money, possessions, status, or title of the previous character. What continues is the development of the player. And this may be why experiences that once seemed pointless later become meaningful. Betrayal can teach discernment. Failure can teach patience. Loss can deepen compassion. Confusion can force us to know ourselves more honestly. The event itself did not need to be good for the lesson taken from it to become valuable. Progress does not necessarily mean the game becomes easier. It means the player becomes better equipped.

Then there are the other players. We meet inside the game, sometimes briefly and sometimes for decades. We become friends. We fall in love. We marry. We separate. We support each other. We betray each other. We hurt each other and sometimes help each other heal. Every encounter creates another choice. Someone else’s behaviour belongs to them; our response belongs to us. We can repeat the harm we received or decide that it ends with us. We can become bitter or become wiser. We can close ourselves permanently or learn to trust more carefully. We can spend years asking why somebody did something to us, or eventually begin asking a different question: what am I going to do with what happened? That does not excuse cruelty. It simply gives some power back to the player who has been hurt.

And certain patterns seem to return. Different person, different workplace, different relationship, different year — yet somehow the same problem. We can understand this psychologically: human beings repeat familiar patterns until awareness interrupts them. But within the game, it can also be understood as a lesson that continues presenting itself until something changes. The scenery changes while the underlying challenge remains. Some people recognise it quickly. Others repeat it for decades. And if one level ends before the lesson is completed, it may simply return in another form at another level. The useful question is not whether we can prove every part of this. The useful question is: what keeps repeating in my own game, and what have I still not understood?

The part that fascinates me most is the relationship between the character and the player. Imagine playing a computer game. You can see the character. You know its history, limitations, environment, and mission. But the character cannot turn around and see you sitting outside the screen. From the character’s perspective, its world is everything. There is no outside. What if we are like that? What if the person I call “me” — my name, history, fears, achievements, wounds, relationships, and identity — is the character, while something deeper is experiencing and observing the entire journey? Call it consciousness, the soul, the higher self, the player, or give it no name at all. The label is less important than the question: am I only the character, or is there something within me that can observe the character?

Awakening, then, does not have to mean escaping life. It means becoming conscious while still inside it. The bills remain. People still disappoint us. Plans still fail. Bodies still age. Loss still happens. Awareness does not make the game disappear. It changes the way we play. We stop reacting automatically to every scene. We become more selective about which battles deserve our energy. We stop trying to control every other player. We become interested in our own patterns. Instead of asking “Why is life doing this to me?”, we begin asking “What can I do with what is happening?” Instead of “How do I control the whole game?”, the question becomes “How do I play this part well?”

This way of looking at life also changes how I think about the extremes of human experience. Why do some people enjoy so much while others suffer so deeply? Why are some born with opportunities that others never receive? Why do some lives last a century while others end in childhood? Why do some people reach such unbearable pain that they end their own lives before that particular level would otherwise have ended? We cannot see the whole structure from inside the game. But if each lifetime is one level rather than the entire journey, an early ending does not necessarily mean the larger journey has ended. An unfinished lesson remains unfinished. What we do not complete may have to be faced again in another form. That possibility turns the question away from “How do I escape this level?” and towards “How do I get through it?” How do I ask for help? How do I survive this chapter? How do I use the tools I already have? How do I keep going long enough to see the part of the game that I cannot yet see?

And this brings everything back to the journey. Every individual level ends. Rich or poor, celebrated or forgotten, comfortable or struggling, every character eventually leaves the stage. Wealth, status, possessions, titles, successes, and failures remain behind with the character. What may continue is what the player gained from the experience: what was learned, how other players were treated, which patterns were understood, what damage was repaired, what courage was developed, what wisdom was gained, and what new tools were added to the inventory.

There is no final victory in having the easiest game, the most money, or even the longest life. Each level is part of a larger journey. We enter, experience, choose, learn, develop, leave, and begin again, carrying forward more than we realise. The character changes. The stage changes. The circumstances change. The difficulty changes. Even the mission may change. But the player continues.

The highest level is not simply winning the game. It is becoming conscious while we are still inside it — realising that we cannot control every scene, but we can choose our next move; that difficulty is not the same as defeat; that another player’s behaviour does not have to determine the person we become; and that what we gain through one chapter can become the very tool that carries us through another.

Reaching the end still matters. Completing the level is part of the journey. But simply arriving at the final screen is not the whole purpose of the game. What matters just as much — perhaps more — is how you got there.

Did you move through the game honestly, or did you betray other players to get ahead? Did you abuse the power or resources you were given? Did you keep looking for shortcuts and cheat codes, hoping to avoid the lessons built into the level? Did you help others when you had the chance, or use them as tools for your own progress? Did you repeat the same patterns again and again, or did you eventually stop, recognise them, and learn?

A game is not meaningful simply because you reached the final level. The journey is what develops the player. The challenges you faced, the choices you made, the people you helped or hurt, the mistakes you repaired, the tools you earned, and the lessons you carried forward all become part of the experience.

You may reach the end wealthy or poor, successful or unknown, surrounded by people or completely alone. Those conditions describe the character’s final position inside the game. They do not necessarily tell us how well the game was played.

The deeper questions are different:

What did you learn?

What did you become?

What did you contribute?

What did you damage?

What did you repair?

Did you grow more conscious, or simply move from one scene to the next on autopilot?

And maybe the shortcuts matter too. In a game, a cheat code may get you past a difficult section, but it can also mean you never develop the skill that section was designed to teach. Life may work in a similar way. Avoiding responsibility, exploiting others, manipulating people, or constantly escaping discomfort may produce short-term advantage, but the player may arrive at the next challenge without the tools that should have been earned along the way.

So yes, the goal is to reach the end. But reaching the end is not the same as making it to the end well. Many players will eventually move forward, but some may remain stuck at the bottom, repeating the same patterns, avoiding the challenges in front of them, or refusing to engage with the game at all. Progress is not automatic simply because time passes. What matters is how you played, what you learned, what you overcame, how you treated the other players, what damage you caused or repaired, and who you became along the way.

The destination matters because the game has a direction. The journey matters because the journey determines whether the player actually grows.

The aim is not simply to finish the game. It is to keep moving, keep learning, and become capable of playing at a higher level.

And that leaves one final question:

What kind of player are you becoming — one who progresses, or one who keeps repeating the same level?

What is the Secret of Successful People?

What is the Secret of Successful People?

September 2026 – Farshad Farahnak. All rights reserved.

Become the Laser

Most people have never stopped to notice the quiet difference between ordinary light and a laser.

A normal light — a bulb, a flashlight, the sun — releases photons in a messy, random way. The photons have different colours, leave at different times, and travel in every direction. Their waves are out of step with one another, like a crowd of people all walking and talking independently. Because of this disorder, the light spreads quickly. Its energy weakens fast with distance. Most of it is wasted lighting up space no one asked for. This is incoherent light.

A laser does the opposite. It forces the photons into order. Almost all of them share the same wavelength, travel in the same direction, and rise and fall in perfect rhythm. The result is a tight, coherent beam that stays narrow over long distances and keeps its intensity. When focused, that aligned energy becomes powerful enough to cut steel or reach the Moon.

That single difference — randomness versus alignment — changes everything.

Now look at the human mind.

Most people live like the lightbulb. Their thoughts scatter in every direction: worries about yesterday, fantasies about tomorrow, distractions, half-formed intentions, constant noise. Mental energy leaks out. Focus dilutes. By the time any real force reaches a goal, it has already weakened into almost nothing. They burn for a while, then fade. Distance defeats them.

A few people operate like the laser.

They refuse to scatter their thoughts and focus. They force their thoughts into coherence — same direction, same purpose, same rhythm. No wasted photons. Ordinary mental energy becomes a concentrated beam that can travel far without losing power. Obstacles that would have dispersed a diffuse mind simply meet focused intensity and yield.

This is the real distinction between the average and the exceptional.

It is not talent. It is not luck. It is not even raw intelligence. It is coherence — the decision to stop letting thoughts run wild and instead align them deliberately until they become a force.

When your mind is aligned, you stop being a passenger. You become the source. Time stops slipping away and starts moving under your direction. You shift from consuming the world to shaping it. You move from hoping things will happen to making them happen.

This is practical, not mystical. Attention is the only instrument you fully control. Treat it the way a laser treats light.

Start small. Choose one clear target. Notice every time your mind drifts and bring it back — not with force, but with quiet insistence. Protect the beam. Refuse the noise that tries to pull your thoughts out of phase. Over time, the alignment strengthens. What once required constant effort begins to feel natural. The laser stabilises.

Then watch what happens.

Distance no longer dilutes you. Intensity compounds. You stop wishing you were the kind of person who finishes things and become the kind of person who does.

The world is full of lightbulbs — bright for a moment, quickly forgotten.

Be the laser.

Align your thoughts.
Focus your energy.
Create.

What is Karma?

What is Karma?

September 2026 – Farshad Farahnak. All rights reserved.

There was once a man who betrayed his mafia boss. When the boss found out, he simply said:
“Leave. And never let me see you again.”

The man was shocked. He expected death. Confused and terrified, he fled.

He started over in another city. Slowly built a life. Found work. Married. Had children. Fifteen years passed. Life finally felt good.

Then one day the old boss appeared.
“Remember the day you betrayed me? Today is the day of reckoning. I’ve come for your life.”

The man, trembling, asked:
“Why didn’t you kill me that day?”

The boss answered quietly:
“That day you had no wife. No children. No real life to lose.
Today you do.
Today death will hurt far more — because now you understand what you’re leaving behind.”

Karma works exactly like this.

Sometimes when you do something wrong, life doesn’t punish you right away. It lets you walk away. You start over. You build a career. You get married. You have children. You create a life full of meaning and responsibility. And for years, it feels like the past is behind you.

But karma is patient.
Years can pass. Then, just when everything finally matters — when you have people you love and a life worth protecting — the bill arrives. And this time it hurts far more, because now you understand exactly what you’re about to lose.

This isn’t just a story about the mafia.
It’s about the lies we tell, the people we betray, the responsibilities we abandon, and the harm we cause when we think no one is watching.

Karma rarely comes when you have nothing to lose.
It comes when you finally have everything… and that’s when the price becomes truly heavy.

So if you still have the chance to make something right today — do it.
Some debts become much more expensive when they’re paid late.

Jordan Peterson said once:
“In all my years as a clinical psychologist — and this is something that really does terrify me — I have never seen anyone ever get away with anything at all, even once.

You know, there’s that old idea that God has a book and keeps track of everything in heaven. Okay, maybe it’s not a book. Fine. But that is a really useful thing to think about… because maybe you disagree. Maybe you think people get away with things all the time. I tell you, I’ve never seen it.

What I see instead is that something happens. Someone twists the fabric of reality and they do it successfully, because it doesn’t snap back at them in that moment. And then two years later something unravels and they get walloped, and they think, ‘Oh my God, that’s so unfair.’

And then we track it. It’s like, ‘But what happened before that?’ This. Well then what? This. And then what? This. And then what? Oh… oh, this. Oh, that’s where it went wrong.

Because you can’t twist the fabric of reality without having it snap back. It doesn’t work that way. And why would it? What are you going to do — twist the fabric of reality? I don’t think so. I think it’s bigger than you.

One of the things that really tempts people is the idea that ‘I can get away with it.’ It’s like… yeah, you try.”

Karma is not only about the wrong you do. It is about every action, thought and feeling you put in — good or bad. So if you do the right thing, one day it will return to you and shape your life in a good way.

Childhood Trauma, Reality or Trend?

childhood Trauma

September 2026 – Farshad Farahnak. All rights reserved.

You Can’t Avoid the Scratches: Why Trauma Is Part of a Meaningful Life

There’s a strong current these days around childhood trauma. We’re told how formative it is, how it shapes us, how important it is to acknowledge, process, and heal from it. All of that has value. Ignoring real wounds doesn’t make them disappear.

But here’s what my own experience and observation keep pointing to: you can’t live a human life without trauma. We are here, in part, for the same reason. Without pain, stress, and the inevitable hard edges of existence, life loses much of its meaning. A life engineered to be perfectly smooth risks becoming empty.

Consider the classic “utopia” experiments with mice, particularly John B. Calhoun’s Universe 25. Researchers created an environment of near-total comfort: unlimited food and water, no predators, no disease, nesting materials, and protection from the usual threats of the wild. The mice had everything they needed for physical survival. At first, the population thrived. Then, over time, things unravelled. Social behaviours broke down. Aggression rose in some, withdrawal and listlessness in others. Maternal care deteriorated. A group of mice Calhoun called “the beautiful ones” spent their days mostly grooming, eating, and sleeping, detached from normal social and reproductive life. Depression-like states and dysfunctional patterns emerged even though every material need was met. The colony eventually collapsed into decline despite the abundance.

Comfort without challenge, purpose, or the friction of real life did not produce flourishing. It produced a kind of behavioural and social disintegration. The absence of necessary struggle did not create paradise; it hollowed things out.

Now think about a more ordinary example: buying a new car. It arrives fresh, unmarked, free of scratches or dents. You drive it. Over the years, accidents happen—some your fault, some someone else’s, some simply the result of being on the road. A few may be minor; others can feel devastating. Sometimes you forgive; sometimes you are forgiven. The body of the car accumulates marks. The same process happens to our bodies, minds, and souls across a lifetime. From childhood onward, life leaves its scratches, scuffs, and deeper bends. We cannot avoid them all the way to the end.

Taking care of the car—regular maintenance, repairs, careful driving—matters enormously. It can keep the vehicle running well and prevent worse damage. Yet no amount of care returns it to brand-new condition if you live with it for decades. The history remains visible. What changes everything is how we respond when the damage occurs.

We can answer a scrape or a collision with road rage: escalating the harm, numbing it with substances, or turning the pain outward or inward in ways that create more wreckage. Or we can choose a different response—repair what can be repaired, learn from the impact, adjust how we drive going forward, and keep moving with greater awareness. The scars stay. The meaning of the journey, and the quality of the life lived inside that vehicle, depends heavily on the reaction.

Trauma is not optional. It is woven into the fabric of being alive. What is optional—and decisive—is how we meet it. The point is not to romanticise suffering or to dismiss the real work of healing. The point is to stop treating the existence of pain itself as the ultimate failure, and to recognise that our responses shape whether those experiences leave us broken or deepen our capacity to live fully.

We are not meant to arrive at the end of the road looking factory-fresh. We are meant to arrive having driven it—scratches and all—with some wisdom about how to handle the next turn.

Remember:

No one is coming to save you.

There is no such thing as a life without problems or pain.

Everything worth having comes with an inherent sacrifice.

Whatever makes you feel good will eventually also make you feel bad.

The only real failure is not trying; the only real rejection is not asking.

You give power to whoever (or whatever) you blame.

Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself.

Respect is earned through what you do, not given because you exist.

You will always feel mildly inadequate and somewhat dissatisfied—and that’s normal.

The person you marry is the person you fight with; the house you buy is the house you repair; the life you choose is the life you must maintain.

You Become the Average of the Five People Around You

August 2026 – Farshad Farahnak. All rights reserved.

You’ve probably heard the line: you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with. It sounds simple, almost cliché. But it is one of the most practical truths about success and growth.

Those five people quietly shape what feels normal. They influence how you talk about problems, how long you stay with hard things, what level of effort looks reasonable, and whether setbacks feel like temporary data or final verdicts. Over time, their habits, standards, and emotional responses start to feel like your own. That is not mysticism. It is environment.

The toddler already understands this

Watch a toddler learning to walk. They fall. They fall again. They fall a hundred times. And still they get back up.

Why?

Not because they have mastered some advanced mental technique. Not because they have read books on resilience. They keep trying because everywhere they look, people are standing and walking. Upright movement is simply the normal way of being in their world. Every adult and older child around them is living proof that the goal is possible and expected. Falling does not redefine what is normal. The walkers do.

Now imagine the opposite. Suppose a child grew up in an environment where no one stood or walked. Crawling, or some other method, would feel like the standard. Effort toward upright walking would seem strange, maybe even unnecessary. The child would not keep trying the same way, because the surrounding evidence would point somewhere else.

That is exactly how adult life works.

The five people closest to you are constantly broadcasting what is normal. If they treat ambitious effort as ordinary, if they keep moving after setbacks, if growth is simply what people in that circle do, then persistence feels natural. Fear of failure shrinks because failure is just part of the shared pattern you see every day.

If those same five people have largely stopped trying, if they treat big goals as unrealistic or effort as optional, then quitting starts to feel like the reasonable, adult response. Your internal drive is real, but it is heavily shaped by the models in front of you.

This is why the quality of your associations matters so much. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your environment. The people around you set the baseline for what counts as possible, what counts as enough, and how long it is acceptable to keep trying.

If the current five are not modelling the direction you want to go, you have a clear option: change the people around you. That does not always mean dramatic exits or harsh judgments. Sometimes it means spending less time with certain people and more time with others. Sometimes it means seeking out new circles where the standards match the future you want. The principle remains the same. If you can change the people around you, change the people around you.

Protect the environment that keeps effort looking normal. Surround yourself with people who are still walking. The toddler already knows how powerful that is.

Why Relationships Get Harder Over Time and Why That’s Normal

August 2026 – Farshad Farahnak. All rights reserved.

When you first meet someone, you see them from a distance. That view is selective, incomplete, and usually flattering. Driven by attraction, the mind fills the missing gaps with optimistic assumptions, highlighting charm and strengths while leaving flaws soft or invisible.

As a relationship deepens—especially when moving in together—that distance vanishes. You transition from a wide lens to a magnifying glass, observing the other person’s daily patterns, stress responses, and unpolished habits up close.

It is like viewing a mountain from afar: from a distance, the peak looks smooth and majestic. But as you draw near and begin to climb, the terrain changes. You encounter hidden rocks, steep inclines, and rough surfaces that were invisible from the valley floor.

At the same time, the social masks come off. Outside the home, maintaining a managed, pleasant persona takes energy. At home, the incentive to perform drops, and it becomes too costly to sustain the ideal self day after day. What emerges is each person’s default operating system: unfiltered moods, default reactions, and raw approaches to frustration or boredom. Because both partners drop their guard simultaneously, the contrast with the early, curated phase can feel jarring.

Crucially, the qualities that initially drew you in can begin to work against you. A protective personality starts to feel overbearing; inspiring standards turn into frequent criticism; refreshing independence feels like emotional distance. The traits haven’t changed, but their daily impact on you has.

Here, frequency becomes decisive. A minor irritation experienced occasionally is manageable. That same behaviour, repeated daily, becomes a steady friction point that the mind registers as a new, frustrating reality. It is like rubbing a cloth against your skin: while pleasant at first, constant repetition over time will eventually cause irritation. Once that skin is raw, even a gentle touch can trigger a sharp, painful reaction.

This dynamic isn’t unique to romance—it unfolds among business partners, close collaborators, and anyone sharing high-interdependence spaces.

Ultimately, relationships rarely become harder because someone suddenly changed. They change because the filters came down, the full picture emerged, and managing that reality requires far more effort than enjoying the initial view. The couples who thrive are simply the ones who recognise this shift and actively learn to navigate the terrain once the masks are gone.

Navigating the Shift in Your Relationship? Recognising that the terrain has changed is the first step. If you and your partner are feeling the friction of the “unmasked” phase and want to build a smoother way forward together, let’s talk.

How Your Brain Filters Reality – RAS

August 2026 – Farshad Farahnak. All rights reserved.

Your senses deliver around one billion bits of raw sensory data every second, but your conscious mind can process only 10–50 bits per second. Because of this enormous gap, the brain must filter almost everything. It uses a multi‑layered system — especially the Reticular Activating System (RAS) and the thalamus — to decide what gets through and what gets deleted.

The filtering process prioritises information based on:

  • Survival relevance (threat, movement, sudden changes)
  • Novelty (anything unexpected)
  • Biological needs (pain, hunger, temperature)
  • Emotional significance (fear, attachment, reward)
  • Personal relevance (your name, your child’s voice, your goals)

Anything that does not meet these criteria is suppressed or deleted before you ever become aware of it.

The brain’s filtering is driven by two major forces working together:

  1. Survival relevance — hard‑wired, biological, automatic
  2. Learned relevance — shaped by knowledge, perception, childhood experiences, and beliefs

This combination determines what gets processed and what gets ignored.

A useful analogy is to think of the brain as a radio receiver. A radio receives millions of frequencies at once, but you only hear the station you are tuned to. The RAS acts like the tuning dial: it selects the “frequency” (information) that matters and filters out the rest.

Crucially, you can train your brain to tune differently. Through learning, repetition, and experience, you can change which information is filtered out and which information is considered important. This is the foundation of many subconscious‑mind training techniques, cognitive reframing, and attentional retraining.

Over time, these processes can influence how you interpret the world, how you respond to challenges, and how you experience emotions. While they are not a cure‑all, they demonstrate that the brain is plastic — it can be rewired to support healthier patterns of perception, attention, and emotional regulation.